How It Should Have Ended, alternate endings
How It Should Have Ended, alternate endings to some movies, including Star Wars, Seven, and Saving Private Ryan.
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kottke.org posts about funny
43 songs about the blogosphere (full-size). There’s “Checking
43 songs about the blogosphere (full-size). There’s “Checking My Stats On An Hourly Basis”, “I’M THIRTEEN AND EVERYTHING SUCKS”, “You’ve Never Heard Of This Band I Love”, and sentimental favorite “Don’t Read Kottke (But I Steal His Links)”.
Forthcoming books in the increasingly mature Harry
Forthcoming books in the increasingly mature Harry Potter series. “Harry Potter and Some Seriously Bad Acid”.
Reasons bloggers hate the mainstream media. “Bloggers
Reasons bloggers hate the mainstream media. “Bloggers got stood up at prom. By the MSM.”
Responsible spam messages. “Can’t SATISFY your woman?
Responsible spam messages. “Can’t SATISFY your woman? Perhaps the two of you should sit down and discuss the issue.”
Merlin is collecting funny eBay ads from
Merlin is collecting funny eBay ads from Google. “Looking for Handjob? Find exactly what you want today. www.eBay.com”. Dictionary.com used to have Amazon ads tied to search terms that would say things like “Buy crack cocaine at Amazon” or “Buy hookers at Amazon”. I for one welcome our new robot marketing overlords.
If you’ve ever wondered what your lowly
If you’ve ever wondered what your lowly narrator would look like with a moustache, wonder no longer.
Consumer electronics mash-ups
As frustrated as one can get with the US sometimes, it is truly a marvelous land of plenty. In the past few months, I’ve run across some remarkable consumer items which I’d like to share with you.
- A microwave oven with a radio in it. With a little tinkering, you may be able to take the FM signal coming into the radio and convert it into microwaves to cook the food. Lite jazz will cook that baked potato nice n’ slow or crank the hard rock station if you’re in a hurry to scorch your Healthy Choice.
- A mounted deer head that sings and talks. I know you’re all familiar with that mounted bass that plays music, but this is a whole deer head we’re talking about here. I was too amazed to note any of the songs or whether the deer lip-synchs along, but I’m sure that when you plug this sucker in, whatever it does is wonderful. It’s singing taxidermy fer crissakes!
- A refrigerator with a TV. For that 3-4 seconds it takes you to get a glass of orange juice when you’re away from the TV just in the other room. Oh, and if the TV part breaks, good luck getting it fixed. Also, there didn’t appear to be a Refrigerator Channel for viewing inside the fridge to avoid letting that precious cool out while your teenage son stands with the door (and his mouth) open for three minutes deciding what to eat/drink.
Convergence is grand, ain’t it?
“The only debate on intelligent design that
“The only debate on intelligent design that is worthy of its subject”. Hootingly funny. (And I have no doubt that someone from the other side of the debate could construct something equally as amusing, so…)
The Onion: Project Manager Leaves Suicide PowerPoint
The Onion: Project Manager Leaves Suicide PowerPoint Presentation. “We all got Ron’s message loud and clear when that JPEG of his wife wipe-transitioned to a photo of her tombstone”. (via mathowie)
What’s the funniest word ever? I don’t
What’s the funniest word ever? I don’t know about funny, but I’ve always enjoyed saying “Goethe”.
The Onion: Lance Armstrong’s Endurance Tested By Sheryl Crow Concert.
The Onion: Lance Armstrong’s Endurance Tested By Sheryl Crow Concert.
Awesome awesome awesome alternate trailer for Stanley
Awesome awesome awesome alternate trailer for Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining (local mirror). Andy calls this “one of the best video clips I’ve seen all year” and he’s not wrong.
Here’s the formula for a New Yorker
Here’s the formula for a New Yorker cartoon: take a person/entity from Column A, and have them interact with a person/entity from Column B in a location from Column C. Voila, comedy jackpot!
Book reviews based on a random sentence
Book reviews based on a random sentence from each book. On Moby-Dick: “People who enjoy witty banter will love this tale of two unlikely friends, Ahab and Stubb.”
“Floating Island” is a mini version of
“Floating Island” is a mini version of Central Park being towed around Manhattan by a tugboat (photos here)…it’s a conceptual art piece by Robert Smithson. This weekend, a group of folks in a motorboat tried to board the floating park and install a miniature version of Christo and Jeanne-Claude’s The Gates. When the captain of the boat towing the island “looked out across the East River Thursday afternoon and saw another piece of conceptual art gaining on him, he did not view the development kindly”.
If you spend any time in restaurants,
If you spend any time in restaurants, you might find May We Tell You About Our Specials This Evening? as hilarious as I did.
The Onion: Tiger Woods Signs $15 Million Deal
The Onion: Tiger Woods Signs $15 Million Deal To Endorse Alex Rodriguez. “Now that beloved, recognizable superstar Tiger Woods is the new face of Alex Rodriguez, we hope to see some [endorsement] offers start rolling in.”
Five things I’d ask every Supreme Court
Five things I’d ask every Supreme Court nominee if I sat on the Senate Judiciary Committee: “If you knew to an absolute moral certainty that you could capture and consume a live infant without being caught, how many do you suppose you could eat in a weekend?”
Frustrated with his morning personal grooming routine,
Frustrated with his morning personal grooming routine, man creates an all-in-one solution that speeds his morning along. Convergence is here, my friends.
The popcorn hacks post seems to have
The popcorn hacks post seems to have struck the wrong note with the humorless but elsewhere people have gotten into the spirit, contributing their own useless household hacks (I added the “personal locomotion” hack)…although the name hack (“Google Image Search exotic names to determine if they are male or female”) is actually pretty clever.
The iTunes 5 Announcement From the Perspective of
The iTunes 5 Announcement From the Perspective of an Anthropomorphized Brushed Metal User Interface Theme. If you’re a Mac nerd, you’ll love this because it’s pretty damn funny and if you’re not, you probably won’t get it.
The lofty world of food reviewing gets
The lofty world of food reviewing gets some much needed profanity and street-sensibility in this article, Food Critic Tears Radish Canapes With Salmon Mousse A New Asshole (The Onion, of course).
Use the Technorati Accelerator to “search on
Use the Technorati Accelerator to “search on any URL and get the same response you would have to wait thirty seconds for on their site”. Zing!
Popcorn hacks
If you’ve got a bag of Orville Redenbacher’s Butter microwave popcorn on hand but no microwave, there’s no need to panic. Just tear open the bag and pour the kernels into a large pot. Put over medium heat. The kernels will be in a big clump of congealed butter-like substance…break them apart with a wooden spoon as the pot heats up and the “butter” starts to melt.
When the “butter” is melted, stir the kernels around with the spoon so they don’t burn. At this point, you may want to don some protective eyewear so that when the first kernels pop, you don’t get hot butter-like liquid in your eye; I just put on my sunglasses. When the first kernels pop, cover the pot and shake it across the burner so the kernels don’t burn. Stop periodically to listen for pops and to exclaim, “I can’t believe this is actually working!” When popping stops, quickly remove from the heat, and get it out of that hot pot into a bowl. Eat. As good as microwaved.
Lance Arthur examines living in San Francisco
Lance Arthur examines living in San Francisco versus living in NYC and concludes in a highly dubious and hilarious outcome, that San Francisco is by far the better choice.
Totalitarian Institutions That Would Have Been More
Totalitarian Institutions That Would Have Been More Fitting for George Orwell’s 1984, Considering How That Year Turned Out. “The Ministry of the Beef, and Where It Currently Is”.
Ten things created in the last ten
Ten things created in the last ten years that Ian could do without.
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