Where You Should Live: Five Factors to Keep in Mind
I ran across this post on Instagram by Bobby in Space (who posts about design and the psychology of place) and wanted to pull it onto the actual internet. Here are some snippets of his “5 hills I will die on as someone who studies the psychology of place”. I don’t think these are universal (e.g. people who live in rural areas likely prioritize other needs) or even necessarily the most important considerations (climate, sunlight, crime, schools), but they resonated with me.
1. Your 10-minute radius matters more than almost anything else about where you live: Think about what you can get to in ten minutes without making it a whole thing. I can get coffee, get groceries, go to a park, and go to a friend’s place.
This is the biggest thing that was missing for me living in rural VT for the past 10 years. My 10-minute radius required a car to access and even then was not teeming with options. My 10-minute radius here in Tokyo is, obviously, bonkers. It makes me so happy. A photo I took inside my 10-minute area a couple of weeks ago:
2. More space can give you a smaller life: This one I’ll actually argue about. Idk why we’re obsessed with getting more sq footage, but sometimes the bigger house means you spend way more time inside it. House, car, work, car, house. Meanwhile, someone in a tiny apartment might walk downstairs, grab coffee, run into someone they know, walk to dinner, stop at the park. Technically they have less space. Butttttt their actual life might be way bigger.
One of the things living in NYC taught me was how to treat the city as an extension of your home. I’m not sure people who live in rural and suburban areas think that way about the relationship between their homes and locations.
3. The best neighborhood amenity might literally just be other people outside. […] You don’t even need to talk to any of them. Just seeing other people out living their lives makes you feel like you’re part of something.
Yep. I have been so missing this in my life. My first few days here in Tokyo, I was craving being in huge crowds of humanity so much that I spent a lot of time in ultra-busy areas like Shinjuku and Shibuya.
4. Moving somewhere new will change you, just probably not in the way you think: trust me, I still tend to do this. I think that a new city can solve all my problems. But it will not. You’re still going to be you.
Haha, yeeeeep. Even a month into my travels, I have been disappointed to learn that my bad habits are still with me. Would really like to speak to the manager about that one…
5. Where your friends live should influence where you live way more than we admit: I don’t even feel the need to explain this one. Relationships are the most important thing you’ll do in your life. Go live near people that light you up
Even though it’s halfway across the world from where I’ve been living for the past 50+ years, I’ve seen more friends here in Japan in the past month than in the past 3 months in VT. It’s not going to be like that everywhere I go and I’m not near the most important folks in my life here, but it’s nice to have it while I’m here.
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Wow. Bobby in Space’s list and your replies hit so many items on the checklist of life. Yeah, I just love chugging into Shibuya on the Toyoko Line. There, walking out to the street level, the scramble crossing and all that, I feel energized. Same in Shinjuku. Shinjuku Station is a borg, but once you figure your way out, to Studio Alta in my case, it’s the same rush. And, with that rush, you can walk on to your destination, to meet your friends or to do whatever you intended to do.
I got a bit of that in Manhattan too, on the few times that I’ve visited. Rockefeller Center and Penn Station come to mind.
The 10-minute radius is a great concept. I’m fortunate to be able to say that I’ve got a good one here, including two 7-Elevens and other necessities of city life.
Thanks for the philosophical post.
I love this framing. I live in NYC and already do this to some extent. In the future, I’m going to be more intentional about it using this lens.
Re: #4, maybe call it the Romano Tours effect. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbwlC2B-BIg
Love the 10 min radius idea.
was going to post this, one of the best SNL skits. SAME SAD YOU.
I have been waiting for this post. A few years ago, Jason opened the door for questions, and I asked about living in Vermont. I appreciate that we’re hearing more now as distance often helps clarify things.
I have made 3 major moves in my life (so not too many), but I’m obsessed with identifying these more intangible factors so that move number 4 is optimized. I’ve experienced urban and suburban living so rural life took on the mysterious allure of the unknown. But all signs now firmly point to sidewalks, neighborhood markets, parks on the corner and the ability to stand in your kitchen and yell for anyone in your house as the key contributions to a well-lived life.
I really value my home as a place to hide from the world, but being able to quickly be in the world – by which I mean, be among people – is also really important. Unfortunately, at the moment I can't get anywhere with ten minutes of walking, and very few places in ten minutes of driving. Like you, when I'm in a big city I love just being among so much stuff happening around me.
As a West Coast person, my proximity to ocean, glacier, forest, trail, and open water meant I never wanted to live in a dense urban area. That said, the people who also prioritize oceans, glaciers, forests, trails and open water, are my dearest closest friends. So in that regard, the "people matter most" comment still resonates with me.
The core group of spouse, children, and closest friends, the people who share your worldview, mean more than anything else. But the view doesn't hurt.
Am I the only person here who doesn't have any "friends"? I'm a grown-ass man but really only hang out with my family. I work with both my brothers, my wife and I both are fairly introverted, and my childhood friends have moved away. My wife and I go out often but mostly talk amongst ourselves. We also get together with her brothers and sisters as a group every month or so and have a blast, but that's still family. We've been talking about moving to an area that is more politically aligned with us since nearly everyone we meet is conservative (rural Wisconsin), including our families :( so it's hard to make close friendships with someone who's points of view are unrelateable. I'm not sure if moving is a solution but I think it would be great to hang with my peers.
You're not the only one. I moved a lot as a kid (so don't have a "home" or a place I'm "from"), and then moved away from my family for university, and moved out of the country for my spouse's job. I still keep in touch with a few friends from high school and university/grad school, but we're scattered around the world and I never see them IRL. We live in a city that's out of the way, small, and fairly insular, so it's hard to connect with people who have similar interests -- even those where we have work or kids / school in common already have established friend and family networks from being born here. There are large immigrant / first gen communities, but they interact in languages we don't speak. So yeah, I mostly hang out with my immediate family.
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