We’ve established that I’m a huge fan of Cookie Monster, the most orally challenged but also the most literarily adept muppet. But even with those cards on the table, this Reddit AMA is something special.
Q: Is there anything you won’t eat? I mean, I’ve seen you eat a typewriter before…
A: Me stay away from anything in Oscar’s trashcan. Otherwise me not picky.
Q: My 7-year-old daughter is about to start selling cookies for Girl Scouts. Do you have any advice for her?
A: Don’t eat the product!
Q: There’s been a lot of famous people who have come to visit you and your friends on Sesame Street! Did any of those guests give you a cookie?
A: Me friends have surprised me with lots of cookies! Sir Ian Mckellan even gave me two cookies!
Q: Who would you most like to sing a “C is for Cookie” duet with?
A: Me would love to sing duet with Lady Gaga. Me and me friends are monsters after all. Me hope she see dis!
Q: What is the optimum number of chocolate chips per cookie?
A: Me always say the more the merrier. Me think me need at least 3.14 chocolate chippies per nom nom. MMM pi
Q: If you could only eat one type of cookie for the rest of your life, what would it be?
A: Wow! Me didn’t realize these question be so hard. If me had to choose just one cookie, me would have to pick me Mommy’s classic chocolate chippie!
Q: We know cookies are your favourite food. What is your second favourite food?
A: Can me say more cookies…? A2: Me thought it over. Definitely “more cookies.”
Q: My son is your biggest fan in the world. His name is Nico and he’s almost 2. Any words of advice for him???
A: Me think it important to always share your cookies. Me know it hard to do sometimes, but it da kind thing to do. A2: Oh, and HI NICO! Me love you!
Q: What was it like working with Jim Henson?
A: Me never sure what he did, but he always around to lend a hand and give me cookie!
Q: How’s the rent on Sesame Street?
A: Me think you confused…. Rent played on different street, me think Broadway?
It goes on and on like this. Maybe I’m too much of a softie (probably underbaked… god, it’s contagious), but I love this.
In De pueris instituendis (On the education of children, 1529), the great Renaissance humanist Erasmus, borrowing from the classical rhetoricians Horace and Quintillian, helped reintroduce an important idea:
I have now come to the stage of my argument where I shall briefly explain how love of study may be instilled in children - a subject which I have already touched upon in part. As I have said, through practice we acquire painlessly the ability to speak. The art of reading and writing comes next; this involves some tedium, which can be relieved, however, by an expert teacher who spices his instruction with pleasant inducements. One encounters children who toil and sweat endlessly before they can recognize and combine into words the letters of the alphabet and learn even the bare rudiments of grammar, yet who can readily grasp the higher forms of knowledge. As the ancients have demonstrated, there are artful means to overcome this slowness. Teachers of antiquity, for instance, would bake cookies of the sort that children like into the shape of letters, so that their pupils might, so to speak, hungrily eat their letters; for any student who could correctly identify a letter would be rewarded with it.
In grad school, I worked with a British literary historian who expertly broke this down into a post-psychoanalytic framework. Biscuits, like speech and writing, form a circuit between the eyes, hand, and mouth. The regulation of desire clears the way for the discipline of discourse. Like Plato, we move from the immanent and particular to the abstract and universal, but this is always mediated by the body, whose conflicting drives trouble these ideal categories.
I responded: “It’s Cookie Monster.” Growing up in England, he’d never heard of him.
Cookie’s idiosyncratic pronouns and truncated consonant clusters are a ruse. He’s easily the most verbally adept, best-educated character on Sesame Street. He teaches children the alphabet and vocabulary, and of course doubles as Alistaire Cookie on Monsterpiece Theatre. The growly voice, googly eyes, and outsized yearnings mask the heart of a scholar.
I bet he used to be a graduate student. You can’t show any of us free food without us reacting like this.
He even loves absurdist metafiction:
Cookie is all of us who always get underestimated, just because we refused to always change how we talk and how we act because we went to school. But we love those sweet leatherbound books, too.
NOTE: Cookie Monster was invited and was originally slated to collaborate on this post. He was excited; I was excited. Unfortunately, due to a scheduling conflict, he wasn’t able to appear. You have his and my regrets. (I swear on Mr. Snuffleupagus: All of this is 100 percent true.)
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