I started Ketamine (Spravato) treatment recently, and it is great for giving you access to all the feels. I don’t really cry, cry, but often tear up, then get a bit of cathartic feeling later on. Highly recommended!

Since my mother died in 2013, I cry when I hear a woman speaking Kapampangan (the language of Pampanga Philippines where me, my sister, my mother and father were born) or somebody who sounds like my mother speaking Tagalog. Filipinos are the number 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 immigrant group to Canada for a few years now so my frequency of crying is increasing. It's tough. Grief comes in waves and is prismatic.

Well I'm happy to say I "cry" from laughter more often than grief or sadness. I also don't feel overwhelmed or anxious very often. It's one of those things I take for granted until I read about how other people process life and the emotions they feel. Conversely I don't know if I feel the exuberant highs and exhilaration that many others seem to feel occasionally. I think my lows are not very low but my highs are also not that high. Hard to say because I think I can find joy pretty easily.

It's refreshing to hear from a man on topics like this. I think it's great that you're sharing, especially as a model for your kids and other men. I shed tears pretty often. At least a couple of times a week, mostly because I'll have a fond memory from childhood, a tender moment with someone, will hear a song, or I'm in a sensitive part of my menstrual cycle. I come from a very large and expressive family, so it's always been this way and thankfully welcomed. But I noticed I became much more comfortable crying in public when I started working in schools. Being around kids from all walks of life, engaging with parents during both difficult and joyous moments, and celebrating achievements vanquished a lot of my embarrassment around strangers. I no longer care if people see me bawling at graduations. I used to feel self-conscious before. I've never taken any medications that would alter this, but as a woman sometimes I worry what menopause will do to me. Will I lose some natural entry points into my emotions that the "microseasons" of my period allow?

I've never been much of a cryer and more often over books or movies than life - Roger Ebert's observation that he cried more at goodness than at sadness in movies captured my own feelings. But in the spring, when the stress of opening my shop was really getting me worn down, I put on Tim Minchin's Play it Safe and just started bawling in a way I've never done. It felt good - cathartic and bracing.

Fascinating! I'm so glad you've shared your experience. I, too, had jitters and anxiety on the first antidepressant I tried. It took a lot of tries for me to find the right one, including one that worked but made it impossible to orgasm (ugh). I haven't been on medication in quite a while now, thanks to therapy and changes in life. What I found particularly fascinating about what you've shared (I haven't read the Gould yet) is that while I too experienced the muting of emotions when on meds, I've always found that *not* crying is a significant indicator that I'm in the midst of a depressive episode.

I do not cry often, but seemingly more likely when traveling and alone (e.g. in the middle of a silent meditation retreat). My father cries without reserve, it is both beautiful and yet still uncomfortable when I think of others watching me cry.

Two unexpected tears:

Witnessing the Yomiuri Giants Cheering Club chanting in Euro-soccer level unison from the entire outfield of Tokyo Dome last week. Such intense, coordinated, harmonic unity directed at such an arbitrary goal. If we could only all be so cohesively joyous and oriented toward the less arbitrary challenges we face together. Such belonging and celebration.

When purchasing two knives from Kappabashi Street’s Kama-Asa, at the unexpected realization I could ask them to inscribe the Japanese lettering of my recently departed dog’s name (Pixie) upon the handle of the smaller blade. The sublimely attendant, English-speaking French-expat salesman asked if I needed a hug, and I could not decline his embrace. Grief finds the cracks.

As a wimpy nerd growing up in the early 70s I taught myself not to cry as a way to reduce bullying.  Like many youthful "survival skills" this has not been a valuable thing in adulthood.  Now I dislike crying because pushing through that barrier is such a big mental production, and it brings up weird childhood unhappiness along with the current emotions.  Thanks American masculinist culture!

Frustrated and sad beyond words in a head-to-head with my sweetheart a few weeks ago, I just broke down and sobbed.  A really good thing: (1) The release was a real relief, and (2) I think it demonstrated, in a way words never could, how I was feeling.  Mostly I cry at movies, though.  I wish I had more access to it.

Last night, coincidentally enough. It's always cathartic for me, whatever the reason may be. This one was our family suffered a loss about two years ago and I was in my phone, before bed, in the Notes app of all places, when I found a few poems I'd stashed away. Here's one. I believe it's fairly well known, by Mary Elizabeth Frye or Clare Harner (1932). I liked this poem because I do not believe there is an "after" and we must carry those we love in our memory, and see them in the world that swirls around long after they, and we, are gone.

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die

i used to be a big crier. i cried at everything. then i just stopped crying over *anything* and it was so weird. since i've been on the new meds, i find i'm crying a lot, but mostly over good things (like sappy ads and animal videos). i'd rather be a crier than to not be able to cry

Fwiw, I had the same experience with my SSRI — it makes accessing, articulating and processing my feelings waaaaay easier, but at the expense of them crashing like tsunamis that would decimate me, which was both a blessing and a curse. I might go back, but not yet and not now

I've never cried during sad movies, but stories of joy and triumph (even if it's just a YouTube video of the team manager getting to start a game) get me every time. Parenting unlocked emotions I never experienced...I sobbed at the birth of both sons, and seeing old photos and videos of them also trigger tears that are a truly happy/sad.  

This also made me think of an episode of The Crown, third episode of season three, titled Aberfan. Olivia Coleman is astonishing as a Queen who can't cry in the wake of an unspeakable disaster. The supporting cast is equally compelling...I rank it among the best episodes of TV ever.  Tangential to your post, but it is worth seeing. 

I spent much of my late childhood through my 20s very much Not Crying. I could remember the two moments in movies that made me almost cry: (a) this scene from Parenthood, and (b) when Kermit gets hit by a taxi in Muppets Take Manhattan. 

And then something in my chemistry switched. Now, I cry when I'm mad, frustrated, sad, when I desperately need to say something to someone but can't quite bring myself to actually screw up the courage to say it. In 2005, I cried at the end of the book Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close—still the only book that's brought me to tears. I have cried at a Cepacol commercial where a giraffe can't say "I do" at his own wedding because of a sore throat, and everyone looks so heartbroken about it. I have sobbed on a plane while watching Inside Out because I didn't see this scene coming and was completely unprepared for it emotionally. 

The last time I cried was yesterday to my child's therapist (he and I go together). It was helpful. It usually is.

I remember being on SSRIs and realizing one day how long it had been since I cried. The more I thought about it, the more it gnawed at me. Eventually things in my life changed and I was able to transition off, and like you, having a kid turned me into a routine crier. I was very much raised in a home where anger was far more acceptable than tears, but I lost that momentary thrill of rage long ago. Crying still offers a release, and I'm lucky that these days I don't feel like allowing myself a cry will crater all the walls holding me together.

To function within my marriage, I had to suppress a lot of emotions. Since it ended, I cry all the time, like a loosening of the barrier between me, myself, and others. That other "entry point" (yikes), my sex drive, has mostly gone, like yours. I know the feeling of it being a relief (who needs that drama?), but it's also a loss, a part of my life, a part of connection with others and a source of intensity and intimacy, mostly gone. 

It used to be that I rarely cried, but in the couple of years since my Dad died I've cried more than in previous decades combined. Most recently a few times while watching The Pitt. I've very recently started taking SSRIs (too early to say if they'll work) and it hadn't occurred to me that crying might stop. We'll see.

My exact experience on lexapro (another SSRI). Feels great to not have panic attacks any longer! Feels weird to be totally calm all the time! There was a good discussion on SSRIs in the NYT the other week, recommended: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/09/16/opinion/ssris-mental-health-depression.html

Just here to say, I'm such a fan of this KDO community and the discourse around this. Nearly every one of my kids books, toward the end, I'm crying. When I lost a great friend two years ago, I cried for months, in the shower, in the car, on walks, in hotel rooms, in restaurants, my heart took a wallop. Another friend was going through a lot and SSRi was great at stabilizing emotions through a tough stretch. They eventually got off it and to each their own. Anything that keeps us connecting with others and not crushed is good.

Definitely cry more when my kids are involved. If I see them struggling or in a sad place that affects me. With our son starting college this year and moving out I've definitely cried a few times.

Also dogs make me tear up. Movies, TV or whatever. It's not real, I know, but I somehow automatically picture my dog in whatever situation is happening and it gets me.

I went through a period of mild clinical depression that hasn't really ever left me and find that (even though I've never been medicated) my emotional range is quite (in the U.S. sense of "very") limited compared to what I remember from my younger years.  It is easier for me to cry over movies (crying about 7 times watching Inside Out on a plane next to complete strangers was something!) than real life for some reason.  It feels almost like I'm wearing a bite suit protecting me from my real life.  Not armor, but super thick layers of padding.

I've always experienced frisson when listening to music but in the last couple of years that music increasingly makes me cry. The last time was a couple of weeks ago listening to Max Richter's latest and enjoying a sunny late summer morning with a cup of coffee.

I cry easily when frustrated, sad, or angry, particularly when having difficult conversations with other people — a trait that I have always disliked about myself. I would love to be able to talk through tough issues without crying; one person crying changes the entire dynamic of a conversation, and generally not for the better. Crying during arguments makes me feel weak, "girly," and anxious that my tears will be perceived as manipulative. There are times when I'm glad that my emotions are close to the surface, but I do think my life would be easier if I wasn't quite so quick to tears. 

@kottke @CosmicTraveler I didn’t cry when my great uncle was hospitalized, or when he deteriorated, or after his stroke, or when he died, or when I picked up his cremated remains. I didn’t cry when I picked up my grandmother to accompany her to her brother’s funeral. I didn’t cry at the funeral, even when there were some nice words spoken about him.

The minute the last shovel of dirt was on his grave, I broke down into the biggest, ugliest cry, probably of my life up until that point. The man I had *always* known was gone, and I’d done everything I could to make his hospitalization, decline, death, and internment go as smoothly and comfortably as possible.

I cry several times a week, or thereabouts, but I consider the fluency of my emotional life to be a vital organ for my career. This question, however, had me remembering the last time I felt unsettlingly blindsided by my tears, which was while watching this ballet performance the afternoon after Biden’s inauguration. I sobbed with gratitude for artists, who keep performing and inventing and being brave; for Radiohead as a consistent, beloved thread across my lifespan; and I sobbed with shuddering relief that reliable adults were in leadership again. It’s strange to write of that moment now, after my disappointments with those same adults, and 1.5 years into this country’s latest gang of robber barons.

Nothing but gratitude for this post, the responses and everything.

A few weeks ago we watched Stand By Me with the kids before the two older ones headed back to college and the youngest started high school. At the end I totally lost it. That movie has always held a special place. But this viewing turned the fountains on at the end. I lost a very good friend to spinal meningitis when I was a sophomore in college. A great friend who I shared Stand By Me with - and the combination of his memory and the emotional baggage of sending everyone back to college was just too much. 

But the crying, in this case, was good. My memories of my friend are still vibrant. My kids deserve to live their lives away from me. But, it's still hard.

Thanks for sharing Jason. It's strangely comforting to read how identical our situations and experiences are. I have a hope of returning to the sensation of overwhelming emotions of the Before Times, but with less of the constant shutdowns. And for the first time ever, I have time to get there. So I do the work.